I went through my pregnancy eating pretty healthy and lotioning my body every day. That paid off because I gained the weight I needed to gain and I managed to get by without a single stretch mark. I was happy because I knew my body would look the same as it did before and I would only have to work off a little bit of weight. I was and am very lucky for that. Although I know if I would have gotten stretch marks I would have learned to love them because they would be worth a precious healthy baby!
The day came where I was finally in labor. I labored long and hard for 36 hours. I went in refusing any pain medication. I stood strong with that for almost 30 hours. I back labored for most of the time and had piggyback contractions getting little to no relief in between contractions. I was exhausted and couldn't relax which in turn reversed some of the progress my body made naturally. I finally decided to get some stadol so I could get some kind of relief. I was able to relax enough that my water bag broke. The nurses thought for sure that the baby would be here soon after that. The baby had other plans, he wasn't ready to come out just yet. I got to a point with my back labor that I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted to be out of my own skin, I was in so much pain. I fought so hard and eventually decided on the epidural. That ended up relaxing my body so much that my contractions slowed down and any progress made pretty much didn't matter at that point. They tried pitocin and that helped. I finally got to about 33 hours of labor and I finally felt the urge to push. But baby was only at a -1 and not budging. I pushed for 3 hours and nothing was progressing and baby wasn't turning. My doctor was concerned because of the baby's heart rate jumping back and forth and gave me 30 more minutes to push. By that point my epidural was wearing off and the back pain was back. My body was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I just couldn't go on. I knew and everyone else knew that that 30 more minutes wasn't going to do much but exhaust me even more.
At that point I was just ready to meet my baby. I had to have a c-section. I was upset and disappointed with myself but I knew it was best for my baby and that is all that mattered. I was thankful that we live in a time where they can get a baby out safely that way. I had awful postpartum because I was embarrassed and upset that I couldn't have the natural birth I always wanted. I didn't get immediate skin to skin, I couldn't hold my baby who I carried for 10months, and now I had a longer recovery with a scar for life. Once I recovered I came to terms with my c-section. I knew that it was what I had to do to have a safe and healthy delivery. I prayed often for a safe and healthy delivery and that is exactly what I got just not the way I wanted. I sometimes think this was a wake up call that things won't always go as planned and a lesson learned not to judge others on their birthing choices. I am thankful we live in a time were vbacs can happen so I can hopefully have the rest of my babies naturally.
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Here is my battle scar. I battled long and hard with my labor to meet my sweet baby. When I look at this scar sometimes I get sad and other times it makes me smile. It is a part of me for the rest of my life. I am never embarrassed but proud of my battle. Every time I look at it I will think about my sweet Toby David. This is his mark on my body that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
